Restlessness (Warning: Long Post)

I’ve had this unsettled feeling in my heart now for several months. Like I want to move to Seattle, or maybe just Dallas’ Bishop Arts District; or go to grad school (more on that later); or start discipling middle school girls; or dye my hair fuchsia. Or buy a 9 mm and take concealed-carry classes (Oh wait, I’m already doing that. No seriously, I am.). Or maybe come home one day with my body all painted in henna paint à la Indian weddings.


So I think about all of these things but I still have this RESTLESS spirit, so much so that when I think about it my heart literally hurts. Like an aching for someone or something that I can’t identify. Like I'm grieving for something, really. It's not a depression, just a sense of loss over something I don't even understand. Talk about a state of confusion.

So I’ve prayed. Praying without knowing what you're asking for is hard, and even harder when you think you’re not hearing anything back. I have felt like the woman in Song of Solomon who searches for her lover but can’t find him.

I opened for my lover, but my lover had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer. (SoS 5:6)

And it occurred to me… I’m not serving. I feel most alive in Christ when I’m serving him, and my top spiritual gifts are service and pastor/ shepherding. Maybe my lack of service is what’s causing this weird friction in my spirit. But what to do with this knowledge?

I sought godly counsel from an awesome, life-loving, astoundingly wise friend, who by the grace of God is also family. We’ll call her “Martha.” So Martha, irreverent as she may be, sat down with me over yummy, thin crust, European-style pizza yesterday in Southlake, and we cussed (a little :-), laughed about smoking on the sly, talked about motherhood (her) and future motherhood (me), and generally just had a mini heart-to-heart. Then I came out with it. “Martha,” I said. “What’s going on with me?” I gave her the back story, and she was blunt, as I hoped she would be (I’m paraphrasing):

“Hello? Did you ever think that this restlessness could be the way God is speaking to you, that he's trying to tell you to act on those sneaking suspicions?”

O-M-Goodness. No. Really, no. How could I not have realized that I wasn't just feeling crazy for the sake of crazy... He may be making me feel that way because I'm still not acting on his promptings. I didn’t consider that the Lord was trying to get my attention or affirm the longings of my heart by this aching feeling. But that makes SO much sense. ::: slaps forehead ::: Doh.

She had a lot more truth to speak to me, and I’m not giving her enough credit for her invaluable counseling abilities and insight, but I left feeling really validated – not only validated, but justified – over some of the nutty ideas that have been swirling. My heart and my head are still having a cage match with each other, and I have a lot of thinking to do, but today I really do feel a little bit better. I need to be in the Word for a while, and let some things marinate, but I think I can tell you more later.

I’m deeply grateful for Martha.

And for Brad, who encouraged me to apply for grad school, which I’ll be starting Jan. 22! It’s a professional program (code language for “I’m not quitting my job to go to school, don’t worry”), and I expect to go two nights a week. It’s funny how God works… in the middle of this season of spiritual frustration, I had to register for classes. I’m in a Master of Liberal Studies program, which will allow me to focus on art, French and writing (or as I call them, The Holy Trinity of Katie). But for this first semester, I wanted to have the same schedule as Brad so that we can carpool and spend an extra hour together a day during a time when we otherwise might not see each other a lot.

Well, I had to take a couple of required courses for my first semester, and the only other class that fit with the schedule wasn’t anything that fell into the aforementioned Trinity; it was a theology class.

Theology? Okay. I love Jesus, but theology is really Brad’s thing. I like Beth Moore and Max Lucado and John Piper… but theology?! But I clicked “register” and I’m in. And I have to wonder if God isn’t planning on teaching me something really significant through this course, which is called “The Spiritual Vision of Jesus.”

Think service might be a part of that vision?

Complacent Blogger

I want to apologize for my lack of blog activity recently. It's not that I don't have anything to write about... a lot has happened in the past few weeks, including Brad's and my one-year anniversary and a weekend visit by some very dear friends! It's that I just don't feel like writing. :-( Painfully honest truth. Maybe I will get the motivation to write again soon, but until then, I thought I owed you a post so that you know I didn't fall off the face.

Love to my homies.

Killer Pumpkin

I've never really liked Halloween. It's just not a holiday I get excited about... fear and candy are two things I want to stay away from. And I only went trick-or-treating once as a kid. But Brad LOVES Halloween, and he just told me he wants to put this in our front yard:





Yikes.

I am excited about Halloween this year though, because my beloved Kindred Spirit is coming with her husband to visit!

Random post... I'm on a conference call now and shouldn't be blogging anyway. :-)

Work Update

Hey, friends! I apologize for the long lapse in posts this time. Last week was a nutty week with a few late nights at the office, so I thought rather than delay new material any further, I’ll just write about what’s been on my mind: work.

For those of you who don’t know, I work at a public relations agency in downtown Dallas. There’s always something new to deal with every day, which appeals to me and my short attention span. But I’ve recently expressed an interest in focusing my work in one or two areas of “expertise.” That is, rather than working on 80 different clients – in telecommunications, higher education, entertainment, agriculture, food, healthcare, finance – I’d like to put all (or most) of my attention into one area. Or two.

Let me interject and say that I know I’m blessed to get to experience such a wide range of fields through my job. I’m grateful that the variety and number of clients/ projects I’ve been able to encounter have served to make me more well-rounded. But for the sake of professional development, it’s time for me to zero in a little bit.

I think I’m moving in that direction. I’ve been working on more and more healthcare clients, and the healthcare team is just unbeatable in terms of creating a FANTASTIC professional environment. They are great to work with, and some of the sharpest PR practitioners in the agency, I’m convinced. Here’s a photo of Alison, one of my colleagues who works on healthcare, making a binder for a beast of an award entry last week:


And while I'm posting office photos, here's a photo of me and colleague Natasha posing with a basket of flowers a telecom client recently sent us for completing a project to their satisfaction. We're standing on our desks:

I’m also spending about 15 hours a week on a financial client. Now, finance lingo is about as foreign to me as Mandarin, but it’s been a lot of fun learning. Plus, many of you know I come from a long line of bankers. Everyone in my immediate family has worked for a bank at different points (including myself – it was marketing though), and my father and brother still work for banks. So I guess it’s fate that I should have this client!

And I'm continuing to do graphic design support for the office, which is a lot of fun. :-)

But with the good news, I must report some sad news. Holli, my good, dear friend who I also happened to work with, has left the agency to pursue a teaching career. I’m so happy for her and all that she’s sure to accomplish as a teacher, but I miss her already! Thursday was her last day. Here’s her last IM to me. Not sure what we were talking about, but it sounds like it was good (her text: "that nauseates me!")! She sent it Thursday night, but I didn’t notice it until Friday morning, after she had already left. I had to take a screen shot. "Holli Williams has signed out." Tear-jerker.

And here’s me and Holli at the company Christmas party last year. Good times.

Sorry for the practical post! I’ll try to write again soon. Love y’all.

"Dew" Not Disturb.

It's finals week at the Gaultney homestead.

Dear Bradford has his first round of final exams for his MBA this week. For a man who admits he had NO study habits in college, I've been impressed at his dedication to studying for his economics and accounting classes.

Sidebar: Can I just say that I am SURROUNDED by studiers?! Brad for his MBA, Stephanie for the NCIDQ, and Caroline for the LSAT! I have such impressive friends!

Anyway, Brad used to be addicted to coffee. I'm talking, seven-cups-a-day addicted. We got a really lovely coffee maker for our wedding, but I don't drink coffee. Frankly, I don't even know how to make it. I LOVE coffee culture... the conversation, intellect, appreciation for flavor, the coffee house as the social hub of our generation... but I just don't love the taste of coffee. I'll drink it if it's covered up in gingerbread, pumpkin, vanilla and caramel flavors, but a true coffee aficionado, I am not.

I think Brad felt it was too much trouble to feed his addiction alone, so he turned to caffeinated soda. He doesn't like dark soda, but he still wanted to meet his daily caffeine quotient. And given the number of sodas he would likely consume, it should be a diet version, lest he gain 100 pounds during our first year of matrimony.

The winning beverage was Diet Mountain Dew. Neon green, with a questionable flavor profile of citrus and hobo sweat, it's not my fave. But it keeps Bradford the MBA Candidate chugging. This is what our drink fridge looks like today, though most of the time it has a couple of two-liters stashed in there as well (look at the bottom row):


And here's what the counter looked like when I came home Saturday night after Brad had spent all day studying:


I'm so proud of him for studying, but I'm going to add up the money I spend on Dew each month and start invoicing him!!!

But seriously, he's taking a final RIGHT NOW and I'm praying for him as soon as I finish this post. Please pray too if you read this before 10 p.m. on Monday! :-) Love y'all!

Y'ALL.

I'm so sorry to have posted a happy blog post about Rupert the Muntjac deer (below) prematurely. It seems our little champ just wasn't ready for this world. He has earned his deer-angel wings and flown away to be with his mama in Deer Heaven.

Click here for the full story. :-(

Deer Readers,

I'm an unfaithful blogger this week. I know I am, and I am sorry! I could make up excuses... some legit (like that I've been staying at work a little later this week and still have a lot to do when I get home), some silly (like that it's dark outside when I get home so I can't run which means no endorphins which means no happy blog post).

But I won't. (Or did I already?)

I don't feel motivated to write original content just yet, so I'm going to more or less repackage a very "deer" story. Maybe I'll come up with something personal and new and write about it tomorrow.

Anyway, the headline of this post is not a typo. I came across the SWEETEST little photos on the Interwebs and wanted to share it with those of you who need a cuddly lift to kick off the weekend. And if you're in need of additional snuggly vibes, I always recommend cuteoverload.com for that extra pick-me-up.

This is Rupert, a Muntjac fawn:



Rupert was born three weeks early, after his mama was hit by a car and went into labor. Veterinarians tried to save Mrs. Muntjac, but unfortunately she couldn't hang on. Thus, Rupert was delivered via Caesarean section.

He was just six inches tall and weighed 500 grams (17.6 ounces; less than a pound!) when he was born.

He has been thriving at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital (awesome cuddly name, by the way) in Buckinghamshire, England, and will make a full recovery after his dramatic arrival. He is just over a week old now, and opened his eyes for the first time a couple of days ago.

I just loved the story of this little fighter! Wouldn't this make a good Disney cartoon? Like Bambi for the modern age...